Counseling Center

to the UCC link to understanding diversity. Congratulations on pursuing an interest in learning more. Learning to understand differences can help you to relate to the changing world around you.

Please watch the following two scenarios developed by UND students from a program called the "Tunnel of Oppression."

"Tunnel of Oppression" Feature One

"Tunnel of Oppression" Feature Two

As you saw in the two scenarios, conflict can occur not just between enemies, but often with friends.

What is conflict?

Perhaps you've had the experience of saying the wrong thing. You might have felt like a loser, a victim or worse. You may have hurt a friend's feelings or had your own feelings hurt.

But what happens after the incident occurs, is mistake ignored or forgotten? Or can you learn from the experience and come out of it a better person?

You CAN learn from your mistakes. It's the way the brain is wired.

You CAN learn to better manage conflict. Just because you hurt your friend's feelings or had your own hurt, doesn't mean you stop communicating!

The Win/Win Approach is about changing the conflict from an adversarial attack and defense, to cooperation .

It is a shift in attitude that can alter the course of communication.

What may have started out as a small joke, (click here to replay a short segment of the two friends at lunch) can often become more...

Given what you have learned about conflict, what might be another way to approach the situation?

What's your real need?

...being a friend?

...learning about cultural myths?

....getting dessert?

What values are important to you?

....learning from mistakes?

...adapting to conflict?

...to understand the other person's point of view?

Empathy is about rapport and openness between people. When it is absent, people are less likely to consider each other's needs or feelings. The best way to build empathy is to help the other person feel that they are understood. That means being an active listener. There are specific listening activities relevant to different situations - information, affirmation or inflammation.

Consider the video of the two friends at lunch Click Here:

Can you practice empathy for both side of this situation?

What if the friend was really just making a "dumb joke"?

How would the young Native American woman get across her experiences when she felt hurt?

Why would a Native American hero and the Native American community feel left out?

How would the friend consider if she is operating out of sterotypes?

In general, when sterotypes are "true" for the group, but not true for an individual, how does this hurt the individual and make for conflict?

WOW! You've come this far! You deserve a reward. So click on one the pictures below, but come on back for more learning!

Conflict can't always be avoided! So let's go on to one more skill that may help to solve problems as they come up.

Remember the guys in the pool room? What do you do when encounterind a full
front-on attack? Click Here to replay a short segment of the guys in the pool room.

Anti-gay prejudice affects straight youth, too.

Did you notice that the pool player didn't rise to the bait?

So you may say easier said than done!

That's true, so here are some tips that may help.

The following information is taken from our base website (Conflict Resolution Network)

1. The win/win approach

Identify attitude shifts to respect all parties' needs.

2. Creative response

Transform problems into creative opportunities.

3. Empathy

Develop communication tools to build rapport. Use listening to clarify understanding.

4. Appropriate assertiveness

Apply strategies to attack the problem not the person.

5. Co-operative power

Eliminate "power over" to build "power with" others.

6. Managing emotions

Express fear, anger, hurt and frustration wisely to effect change.

7. Willingness to Resolve

Name personal issues that cloud the picture.

8. Mapping the conflict

Define the issues needed to chart common needs and concerns.

9. Development of options

Design creative solutions together.

10. Introduction to negotiation

Plan and apply effective strategies to reach agreement.

11. Introduction to mediation

Help conflicting parties to move towards solutions.

12. Broadening perspectives

Just as we are unique and special, so are other people.

For more information you may also contact UND's Conflict Resolution Center.

Please click here for a video on how beliefs shape discovery! Embrace diversity! Embrace discovery!

Grand Forks, ND